COLUMN: Kelly’s Korner

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Many questions have been asked of me - publicly and privately - over the years. 

There are, however, a few questions no one has ever asked me and maybe they never will, including the following:

Q. How long does it take to produce your weekly 30-minute television show?

A. Beginning to end, 32 minutes. One minute to greet the guest and get comfortable in an uncomfortable chair, exactly 30 minutes to do the interview and one minute to say goodbye to the guest. If I really like the guest, the goodbye takes longer.

Q. Do you have a pet? If so, what kind of pet and what is its name?

A. As a boy I had fish and turtles, but they died quickly, too quickly to name. I always wanted a dog, but after my failure with fish and turtles I was afraid.

Q. Do you follow sports? What sports? Favorite team?

A. Yes. Baseball, football and basketball. Yankees, Giants and Syracuse. But the way my teams have been doing, I’ve pretty much given up on sports.  

Q. Do you smoke? Have you ever smoked? When did you quit? Do you ever sneak one? 

A. I quit in 1982 and haven’t had even one since. Being a former smoker is being like an alcoholic. There is no such thing as just one, which I learned the hard way in 1980 and 1981.

Q. Is there a book on your nightstand? The title?

A. Yes. “Day of Confession,” by Allan Folsom.  

Q, How many books do you read in a month?

A. One or two. But I’ve promised myself to read one book a week in 2022. Right now I’m behind schedule. “Day of Confession” isn’t the page turner I had hoped. I will try to get back on schedule.

Q. Do you exercise? 

A. I walk, but not enough.

Q. Do you ever count steps when you walk?

A. No, my iPhone does it for me. 

Q. How much time do you spend online? 

A. Too much. 

Q. Do you text?

A. Too much.  

Q. Do you carry pictures in your wallet?

A. No, but on my phone there are 4,595 pictures of relatives, friends and people I don’t know. 

Q. What’s the toughest thing about being a writer?

A. Doing the writing. It’s much easier to talk about writing than actually writing. 

Q. Do you miss anyone right now?

A. So many and so much I could cry.

Q. Do you ever take the shampoo and other bathroom supplies from hotels?

A. Always. More than once free shampoos and soaps have saved me when I ran out at home.

Q. Do you always smile for pictures?

A. Yes, even when I am missing someone.

Q. Your favorite television show?

A. I don’t watch much television. I spend too much time online, texting and reading.

Q. Do you collect anything?

A. I once collected baseball cards and comic books, which now would be worth a fortune. My mother, in her wisdom, threw them all out. In her defense, however, she warned me what she was going to do unless I kept them picked up. 

Q. What movie could you watch over and over again and still love? 

A. As Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman) said in “Casablanca, “play it again.”

Q. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

A. Yes, me and thousands of others going northbound on Route 12 on Deerfield Hill. The trooper recognized me, though, and said some complimentary things. Then he said, “I’m going to give you a ticket anyway.” 

Q. Are you lazy?

A. Yes, especially when it comes to writing.

Q. How many languages can you speak? 

A. Just English and oftentimes I struggle with that. 

Q. Who is better: Kimmel, Fallon or Colbert?

A. Johnny Carson

Q. Do you believe in ghosts?

A. Yes. I believe in many things I can’t prove.

Q. What was the last concert you saw?

A. The Beach Boys, which shows my age. Brian Wilson, now 79 and even older than me, was still performing.  

Q. Have you ever had plastic surgery?

A. Do you think I’d look like this if I had? 

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