COLUMN: Rounding Third …

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What constitutes too old? I mean — too old for what? I know I’ve made my last jump
shot, or three pointer and I’ve certainly played baseball for the last time. Who’d run for me?
But life has a lot of things I can do — and this is one of them. Golf is also at the top of my
list — but no walking — not with metal hips. So — I do what I can do.

Going to the gym is a good example. I can’t move the weights I once could, but I move what I can. I’ll never look like those guys up by the wall mirror, but I feel better after I’ve gone. I can’t go every day, either, but I try to get there at least three times a week.

Now — some people seem to think I said I was 72. Well, that would have been correct if I said it almost nine years ago. Now — ages? After 80 they become very significant, but some of you, unfortunately will not get there. The time for doing is now — and the rest of your life.

To quote Ronald Reagan, “Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is a gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.”

Prove there’s still life in that tired old body and please read my poem. I just wrote it and it’s called Old Ages.

Octogenarian is a word; it means that you’ve turned eighty,
And please believe me, it’s a time when you should not be weighty.
Don’t grow so thin you’re gaunt, my friend, I would not tell you that,
But I’d just like to point this out — few ninety year-olds are fat.
It causes added stress upon the organs you’ve inside you,
And one by one they’ll start to tire from all that weight astride you.
You know what has to happen when they all just get that tired,
They, one by one give up the ghost, and friend — you’re now expired.
I understand some people think one hundred is too old,
They just don’t want to be around when all their friends are cold.
But as for me, I’m in no rush to see when this life ends,
I’d rather just expand my reach and get some younger friends.
So, here’s what I tell people when they use that time-worn line —
“Who wants to be one hundred?” Well — most people ninety-nine. – JDF

Joke: The young woman was scouring the supermarket aisles and looked lost, so the
manager came up and asked if he could help. She said, “I just got married and I need to find some scratch.” The manager was confused and asked, “Is that a cleanser or something?” She said, “I don’t know but my new husband keeps telling me that his mom makes everything from scratch, and I need to find some of that stuff!”

Favorite one-liners:

• Facebook should be a place to chat, not publish your personal diary.

• If mom’s not happy—nobody’s happy. If grandma’s not happy — run!!

• Most of the time, the shortest distance between two points is — under construction!

• Be proud of the place you live in and live so that place is proud of you.

• I used to hate facing the music. Now, I just hate listening to it.

Notes from history:

• Do you know why most police uniforms are blue? In 1829, Britain created the London Metropolitan Police, and they were assigned blue uniforms to distinguish them from the British soldiers (remember the red coats?). The New York Police imported the look in 1853, and cops have been outfitted in blue ever since.

• You didn’t mess with Andy. He once cold-cocked a man with a piece of wood for refusing to pay his taxes. During the Creek War of 1813, his men were talking mutiny and wanted to march back to Tennessee. Andy rode to the head of the column, leveled his musket at the front line and threatened to shoot the first man who took a step in the wrong direction. Nobody called his bluff because they knew he would do it. He became our seventh president, Andrew Jackson, and the last one to really balance the budget.

Bye!

– JDF

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